Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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