his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
