I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
