I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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