The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
