lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
