can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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