i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize