She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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