All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
