I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
