so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
