i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
