Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
