well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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