NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
