i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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