i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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