Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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