so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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