I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
