she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize