Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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