My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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