cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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