Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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