Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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