he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
