He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My bed smells like the plague
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
