I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
