Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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