Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
