need another drink. this is the easiest way
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
