1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
