If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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