Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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