I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
