so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
