tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
