White coat. Heels.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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