he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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