VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
