Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
