apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
