considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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