I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
