we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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