It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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