You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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