I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
