im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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