The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize