Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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