Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
