we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
