I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
