i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
