omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
why is half of my head shaved?
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