I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
not ubering you a puppy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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