I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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