i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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