wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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