he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
