loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
