you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
