Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
