Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
