So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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