peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
