evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
