Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
