4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
