OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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