Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
