I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize