HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
