Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
