Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize