whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
