What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
